Grammy Awards - Hour #1

Alright alright alright, it's awards show time. Let's get right into it. Apparently the opening number is being done by the illegitimate daughter of the Mad Hatter & the White Queen and directed by Tim Burton on absinthe. Remember when she was a simple country singer? Now, all this over the top theatricality is just too much and annoying.

LL Cool J is once again hosting, once again in that same hat. I hope it's not the SAME hat he wears over & over and that it's a different one and that he washes it. That'd be a whole lot of head sweat. After that over produced monstrosity to open the show, now we have Ed Sheeran singing his simple song about a fallen woman (drug addicted prostitute actually) but singing it with Elton John. Elton is great but his style is so different than Ed's that it sounds a bit odd, but worked better when they harmonized. Would have liked to have seen Ed alone though.

Now here are Pitbull and Jennifer Lopez. Thankfully, neither is performing. Apparently, Jennifer Lopez's curtains got caught in the vacuum and she made them into a dress. That's resourcefulness right there. Now here's the Grammy for best solo pop performance. Adele wins for the live version of Set Fire to the Rain. An AMAZING song. Who was the guy that was up there first though? 

Now, here's fun. and it's fun. with a period at the end and not capitalized. I have a friend who hates them. I like them. This is a new song to me, slower than the others. I like the lead singer's voice a lot. His hair is stupid. Even when I had hair, mine only looked like that when I first woke up and when I needed a haircut. He's wearing Mary Tyler Moore's pants from the Dick Van Dyke. Capris are only a good look on 16 year old girls in 50s movies. And apparently, they just made it rain.

John Mayer looks a little less creepy tonight. BONNIE RAITT! Love her. Now Miranda Lambert and Dierks Bentley singing, hopefully a little more pep in their step. My friend Bill is getting bored with all these slow songs. But look, a pink microphone to distract from the slow song. Not peppy, but good. At least JLo & Pitbull didn't perform. Remember that.

Old Bandstand clip of LL Cool J shows he's been licking his lips a long time. In fact LL in his name stands for Lip Licking. Now Wiz Khalifa and Miguel are performing. Then present country solo performance. When I think country, I think Wiz. Sadly, Carrie Underwood won. Ugh, she annoys me. I've never been able to detect a personality with her. But Wiz & Miguel did a good job. Got Rihanna up on her feet even though nobody else was. She's that girl at the concert who stands when nobody else does. Hate it for those behind her.

Now, song of the year presented by former King & Queen of Country Tim McGraw & Faith Hill. Faith looks better than she has in a while. She's proudly sporting her braces. Song of the year goes to fun. for We Are Young. Cool song, and one of them is dating Lena Dunham from Girls. And according to Jay-Z & Solange Knowles, it looks like they serve booze at the seats. Look, they found some orange colored bum to pretend he's Johnny Depp. Oh wait, that IS Johnny Depp? Yikes! Ugh! But Mumford & Sons are so far rocking the hardest of anyone so far tonight. Tough for a folky band with a banjo. Taylor Swift is singing along. See Taylor, this is what people who have good voices sound like. Ouch, I'm sorry.

OK, that's it for hour #1, let's rev up for hour #2!!

Golden Globes Hour #3

Amy and Tina as drunk losers are hilarious. Big shout out to Glenn Close. Taylor Swift, stay away from Michael J. Fox's son. YES!! haha. Now the Jodie Foster lifetime achievement award. For someone so young, that's kinda funny. I miss Jodie Foster on-screen. I want her in more stuff, and comedies. Robert Downey Jr is a great presenter. Apparently, Jodie's escorts are her sons and Mel Gibson. Props for sticking by that hot mess (Mel, not her sons, I don't think). Cant' RDJ host something? Aww, Panic Room. Kristen Stewart was so cute as Jodie's son in that movie. Oh wait, her daughter? YIKES! Loved Jodie's shout out to Molly Shannon's Sally O'Malley. I'm 50!!

Now Halle Berry is presenting Best Director and it goes to the egregiously snubbed Ben Affleck for my favorite film of the year, Argo. Ben Affleck is a great director. See Argo, The Town (except the Blake Lively parts), and Gone Baby Gone. He's made it past his JLo days. So glad Tom Hooper didn't win for Les Mis. He made some horrible directorial choices. Now crazy drunk (at New Year's at least) Josh Brolin presents Moonrise Kingdom. I haven't seen it yet, but Wes Anderson movies are usually a bit too odd for my liking, and I like odd. We'll see.

Oh good grief, they let Jay Leno on here. Why? He's about as funny as my psoriatic arthritis. Best Comedy series goes to Girls! Was rooting for Big Bang but Girls was #2. Congrats. They must be running behind because I saw the big wrap up sign lol. Glad Smash didn't win. First season was more comedy than musical. Some parts were HORRID. Hope it improves this season. Although they do have Jennifer Hudson trying to act. That's not promising. Great singer, but not a good actress. I don't even believe she lost a ton of weight even though I know she did.

Now Oscar Winner Batman, I mean Christian Bale (same thing) presenting Silver Linings Playbook. Such an entertaining movie. Now best actor in a movie musical or comedy. Jennifer Garner presents and thanks folks her hubby forgot. They are too cute together, but I like them. Hugh Jackman wins. Was fine with him or Bradley (who surpirsed me in SLP!) or Jack Black who was GREAT in a little movie called Bernie.

Now a warning for making financial choices after Oscar nominations, Jeremy Renner presenting Zero Dark Thirty. A very good movie. Saw it today. Jessica Chastain is great! And apparently, he cussed or something. Now, Dustin Hoffman is here to present best picture comedy or musical. I'm hoping for SLP, or Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, just not Les Mis. And the winner is Les Miserable. Blech. I didn't hate it, I liked parts, some parts. OK, the name was right, I felt slightly miserable after.

Now, the drama portion of our evening. 3 awards: actress, actor, film. Jessica Chastain has drama actress all sewn up. Man, Naomi Watts looks like she's 50 or something. Now best actor will probably go to Daniel Day Lewis as Lincoln people say he looked and sounded like Lincoln. How do they know what Lincoln sounded like, huh? HOW DO THEY KNOW? I have seen Richard Gere in Arbitrage and he was great (film was ok) and Denzel Washington in Flight (he was BRILLIANT, but the movie was horrid). I will see Lincoln soon.

Now Julia Roberts, who like first presenter Kate Hudson hasn't made a good movie in a while (but MANY more than Kate) presents best motion picture goes to...ARGO!! She gets to hug her good buddy George Clooney. This was my favorite movie of the year so I'm happy :)

Well, aside from crazy nutty moments and not enough Tina and Amy, not a bad show. See y'all at either the SAGs or the Grammys. Who knows. Rise up y'all!

Golden Globes Hour #2

This hour stars with the supremely talented actress Jessica Alba. I'm waiting for her to tackle Shakespeare. And the best actor in a tv movie/miniseries is Kevin Costner. He deserves this award more than he did for best director for Dances With Wolves. That should have gone to Scorsese for Goodfellas. My favorite part, lady coming back to her table with her wine while Kevin was walking to the stage. Haha, she didn't care. It was HER moment.

The actual president Bill Clinton presents the clips from the movie about Lincoln. I still have to see it, but it's another one of those full nap empty bladder movies. Dear filmmakers, EDIT!!

From Clinton to now Ferrell and Wiig, that's a transition. And they are doing bits like most of their characters on SNL. Yeah, they annoyed me on there. They are coming across as, um, medicated. But it's kinda working, kinda predictable and not working. Coming across like that bit Wiig did with Fred Armisen that I despised. But Jennifer Lawrence won for her brilliant performance in Silver Linings Playbook. See this movie if you haven't. Loved her speech "I beat Meryl".

Best TV supporting actor now. I'm rooting for Max Greenfield from New Girl so he has no shot. The winner is Ed Harris for Game Change. He was a great John McCain. And Jamie Foxx presents Django Unchained. See earlier. Jonah Hill and Megan Fox, awkward. And the Golden Globe for best supporting actress goes to Anne Hathaway for a wonderful 15 minutes in Les Miserables. Oh I hope she doesn't cry. I've never understood crying when you win an award. You didn't put a man on Mars or cure diseases. You played pretend. Anne is great but she takes herself a tad too seriously. But she gave a nice shout out to Sally Field.

Manic man Quentin Tarantino wins best screenplay. He still kinda scares me after all these years. Maybe it's the chin? I think he's a little drunk, or maybe a lot. Now a clip of Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. I kinda wanna see it. I like Ewan McGregor and Emily Blunt. I love movies where British folks go to exotic locations and learn more about themselves. See also, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. Now Lucy Liu in a shower curtain. For best actor in a TV comedy, the winner is Don Cheadle for House of Lies. I've read horrid reviews of it and most Showtime shows I don't care for, see also Homeland.

Now Stallone and Schwarzenegger are onstage trying to sound coherent. Bless their hearts. At least there are no housekeepers at the awards show, so Arnold is safe. But they are at a hotel, so who knows. Amour wins. It's about an old couple facing illness and death. It's the feel good movie of the year.

Now TV actress in a drama. I'm rooting for Julianna, want Connie to win for being snubbed for Friday Night Lights, but no, Claire Danes wins for Homeland. Yawn. Why did you say wow Claire, you knew you'd win.

Oh good grief, Sacha Baron Cohen with an unfunny and tacky intro, not to Les Miserable, but to best animated feature. Yeah, that is a great segue. Why is he funny again? Or Russell Brand for that matter. He wasn't there I just don't like him. Brave wins best animated feature. I haven't seen any of the movies so congrats. I'm sure your movie is either great or awful. Now presenting, Life of Pi. I do kinda want to see that. It looks visually stunning!

Now best actress in a comedy, Aziz Ansari trying to be funny but failing and Jason Bateman playing the straight man again. Loved Amy & Tina's nominee shots haha. They are brilliantly funny. The winner is Lena Dunham for Girls. Would have preferred Amy, but happy for Lena. Girls really grew on me. Congrats. Plus she not a pencil stick thin blond bimbo type.

Now on to hour #3

Golden Globes Hour #1

It's time for the Golden Globe Awards presented by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association so even our awards are being outsourced. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are hosting and just got in a HUGE shot at James Cameron. LOVE IT!! They are killing it on the monologue.

The night starts off with best supporting actor in a movie. For some reason, making one good movie 11-12 years ago makes Kate Hudson qualified to consider herself a movie star. Hollywood grades on a curve it seems. But someone needs to investigate what's attacked her neck. I think a Golden Globe has eaten her. The Golden Globe goes to Christoph Waltz in Django Unchained. I have to make sure I have a good nap and an empty bladder before I see it because it's just so long and Leonardo DiCaprio tries to act like a big boy even though he still looks and sounds like he's 17.

Now supporting actress in TV and Dennis Quaid and his plastic surgeon and Kerry Washington present to Dame Maggie Smith for playing a crusty old British lady in Downton Abbey.

Game Change wins best TV Movie/MiniSeries. This was a very interesting movie about the McCain/Palin campaign. Wonderfully acted and written, but probably only to independents and democrats. Now for best actress in a TV movie/miniseries, the winner is Julianne Moore wearing something from the Dynasty collection. She was wonderful as Sarah Palin and it wasn't just an impersonation.

First Best Picture nominee presented is Les Miserables. Anne Hathway was great. Hugh Jackman was very good (but not on Bring Him Home) and Russell Crowe needed Sudafed, and they needed more talking, and they needed fewer close ups and ok I didn't love it. It was good, but except for Anne, it doesn't deserve to win anything. Yeah, I said it, what of it.

I love imagining that Hunger Games would be used to decide association presidents. And her lines were great. Now Rosario Dawson presents The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. I really enjoyed this movie. It has a sweet tempo and presence to it. See it if you haven't. Eh, Damian Lewis for drama TV actor. I admire Homeland but don't love it and sometimes I don't like it. I wanted Hamm or Cranston to take it. And it won series too. At least The Newsroom didn't win.

Now for Argo being presented. They have the actual CIA agent who led the mission, Tony Mendez. Argo was a great movie and is a great story. Some of it is heightened for dramatic effect, but it's still dang good and the movie I'd vote for if I were a member of the Academy.

For music, Jennifer Lopez is presenting those awards. I don't know why, she can't sing. Life of Pi won score and my girl Adele won for best song for the AWESOME AMAZING WONDERFUL song. Plus she beat Taylor and Taylor looked TICKED, that was just a bonus.

That's enough for hour #1. Now time to check on the Australian Open and prepare for hour 2!

CMA Awards - Hour #3

The hour starts with Carrie. It looks like a leftover Halloween cemetery set and I think she wore one of Tonya Harding's old ice skating outfits. Usually her voice is great though, but she sounds like she's forcing it. American Idol & gymnast giving out group of the year to Little Big Town! Congrats to them! Jason Aldean is singing now, and you can bet his wife will be keeping a very close eye on him tonight. This song shows off his voice much better than his opener. I still remember when he & Kelly performed their duet on the show a few years back. Awesome!

Now, Kelly & Vince!! I've been waiting all night for this song. Kelly sounds great, and Vince is doing great harmony. I'm still not used to seeing Kelly as a blonde though haha. Blake wins male vocalist again. He is truly crazy on the twitters haha

In the commercial break, I'm gonna break into the half price candy I bought at the Walgreens today. The best part of Halloween? The sales the day after! Now, back with Kenny. Where has he been? Or have I just overlooked him? No, that's not a short joke. OK, it is. Decent song, nothing special. Now the ladies from Nashville, the TV show (which doesn't totally thrill me) are presenting female vocalist. I think a couple of them have been drinking or at least sound like it. Thankfully, Connie Britton, who for me will be forever Tami Taylor from Friday Night Lights, looks better than she did at the Emmys.

Is Carrie wearing a wig? Just wondering. Lady A starts the Willie tribute. I figured they would sing this song. Most able to adapt to their style. Wow, his jeans are way too skinny and way too tight. He needs to work out, squats or something. They need to do a close up of Willie's eyes, see if they are dilated. Lady A sounds pretty but way too slow & low key, a bit of a drag. Let's see if the Lady A lady can breathe some life into Crazy. Her mama was the one who sang with Reba on Does He Love You. Just some trivia. Blake singing Whiskey River? That's perfect! Get in there too Keith. Good Hearted Woman with Faith & Tim. This song is in the PERFECT key for Faith this time around. That's the best she has sounded in a while. Then Willie himself took the stage. He still sounds good.

Reba & Tim Allen are presenting entertainer of the year. They shoulda let Reba sing! Sing Fancy!! Taylor didn't win (cue surprise face). Blake got a big boost from The Voice I guess. He's shocked, I can tell! He's genuinely thrilled. Taylor doesn't know what to do I think.

Well, them's the awards y'all. Hope y'all enjoyed. As they said at the end of Hee Haw "Y'all come back now, ya hear!"

CMA Awards - Hour #2

Hour 2 starts with Brad playing the Andy Griffith Show theme on his guitar with clips of Andy behind him. What a great simple tribute! Now, Taylor Swift. Will it be good or bad? What the smurf does a Paris cafe' have to do with country music? She is sounding better live now, although she has no lower register either. Listen to Trisha and she'll show you it's done. It's not a performance, it's a music video. NO, YOU CAN'T MENTION THE AWESOME JAMES TAYLOR IN YOUR SONG! But she's good at whisper singing. This isn't a country song. It's a nice pop song with a little fiddle in it. It's about as country as Snooki. Now, real country, Little Big Town singing Pontoon, a song about motorboatin, and about being on a boat. What's with this staging? AH makes sense now. Makes me want it to be summer again! They sound great, 4 part harmony like that isn't easy. If one person is off, it sounds bad. They sounded on.

Now, Luke Bryan takes the stage. The girls all seem to love him. He does a lot of dancing, but his voice & songs are good. He's way too energetic. I got tired watching him. Now I need ice cream. Jennifer Nettles looks about 10 months pregnant, and still out there and presenting. PLEASE NO LADY A! They annoy me now. Dale Gribble wins! Congrats to Eric Church. Now Hunter Hayes is playing a piano and singing. He should have sung in the first hour, it looks like he has algebra in the morning. He's what, 15? But for a kid, he sings pretty ok. Hope he doesn't have a test in the morning. My daddy heard the awards show on the radio during this song, he said "I don't know who this girl is singing" haha. He truly thought it was a female singing. Whoops :)

Connie Smith was feted with a Carrie & Brad performance of Once a Day. Connie is a country legend and married to Marty Stuart. Faith Hill is singing now. She sounds ok, but her voice isn't as strong as it used to be, the verses sound good, chorus not so much. Also, she needs to eat. I think my thigh is bigger around than her. I do like the song though. I don't know who this is singing now, but he looks like he's be in the crime beat section of the Tuscaloosa News for breaking & entering and/or assault.

Keith Urban now with Zac Brown. They aren't 2 I would put together, but you know, it actually works. Keith can play some guitar. New Artist goes to Hunger Hayes. He looks 12 and he's tiny. The other kids in gym class are gonna be SOOOO jealous tomorrow at school. Brad Paisley starts off with Empire State of Mind in tribute to NY/NJ, that's why he's awesome. I'm liking the song that's a tribute to the south though. Wow, he included a choir singing Dixie. He is a very good performer.

Now, on to hour 3!!

CMA Awards - Hour #1

Good evening and welcome to hickville. That's what I'm going to call my apartment tonight. I'm going to be watching the Country Music Association Awards, and I'm eating Hamburger Helper and instead of rolls, I have butter hamburger bun toast (I had rolls, but I MaryBelled them. They were just a little bit brown as my late beloved Granny would say). I like the CMAs because they are all about the performances PLUS they take time to show the awards. The performance I'm most looking forward to is Kelly Clarkson featuring Vince Gill. It's the new country song on Kelly's greatest hits CD. I've heard it and it's good. Hey Taylor, THIS is what country sounds like. How many surprise faces will Taylor give? How many notes will she miss? Don't make a drinking game out of either though. Alcohol poisoning kills.

Let's open the show with Jason Aldean with the requisite shout out to NY/NJ. Now, Luke Bryan. He looks Tony Romo a little bit, except he actually has some talent and could probably win a playoff game. Now Eric Church joins them. He reminds me of Dale Gribble from King of the Hill. This sounds more southern rock than country, but it wasn't bad. Good opener. WILLIE NELSON IS IN THE HOUSE! Let's hope there are no drug sniffing dogs there.

Now the awesome host Brad Paisley. Oh and Carrie is there too. Their opening song is usually pretty funny. They changed the horrible Moves Like Jagger song to Moves Like Haggard talking about singers puking on stage, driving drunk and naked, and drinking at 2. Ah, Merle! And the dead horse that is Psy's Gangnam Style got a few more beatings. Congrats on being 2 months late. They did get a Dolly joke in there. And they did a doping joke for Willie. I must say, once you reach a certain age, braided pigtails probably aren't a good look for a man.

First award is Single of the Year, presented by Lisa Marie Presley. Think she was hoping Nicole Kidman would be there to find out how she escaped. Little Big Town won for Pontoon. I've liked them since Boondocks. I'm happy for them! Although it does mention "motorboatin". For shame.

Now, Tim McGraw. Let's see if this song is better than some of the last junk I've heard from him. Ooh, lower the key. You sound like a bad church soloist on those high notes. Wow, Jake Owen is wearing what looks like a women's leopard print jacket. Why? Thompson Square wins Duo of the Year. The way they kissed, I hope they are married to each other or Lucy, they got some 'splainin to do. Talkin' about her Memaw and Mason Jars, she sounded more country than him. Now Miranda Lambert is singing about being the Fastest Girl in Town. She needs to slow down, whatever she ran into stuck to her shirt. It looks like Vegas roadkill. But she's still like Tanya Tucker without the drugs and Glen Campbell, and nowhere near as trashy as Tanya, but then again, who is? Miranda is a hillbilly rocker and I think she likes it that way.

A chubby bearded man in leather pants and a toboggan, gotta love Zac Brown Band. Finally a quieter song after louder ones with more emphasis on beat, not that those were bad. I liked Luke Bryan most in the first song. Tim, meh. Miranda, the music was too loud, couldn't hear her. I love how ZBB look like guys you wouldn't want sitting next to you on a plane, but they are awesome. Now a true country traditionalist, Dierks Bentley. I've always been a fan of his. Even when trying to sound very commercial, he's still good.

Oh look, Carrie changed clothes again. WOW! Now, The Band Perry. The first time I remember hearing them was when I was on the way to Wilmington, DE and heard If I Die Young, a sweet gentle song. Now, she's dressed like she's in a Whitesnake cover band and they have pointless lasers. Song is pretty good though. Lady country singers, work on your lower register or raise the key of your songs. I think Carrie's dress weighs more than she does. Now, here's Dale Gribble, I mean Eric Church with Springsteen. I do like this song. He does nostalgia better than Tim & Kenny. Eli Young Band is singing now. Eh, they are ok, nothing special, not standing out.

Now song of the year with one of my daddy's favorites Kellie Pickler and Darius Rucker. I see him and I still think of Hootie & the Blowfish and my college years. I still love that Kellie shaved her head in support of a friend with cancer. And the winner, country's reigning couple Blake & Miranda for her song Over You. You know they are wild & fun, but enough with the rock & roll devil horns Miranda.

Now on to hour #2!