Here's the Golden Globes Y'all - Part 2!!

The first half hour had a lot going on, so I went ahead and published it while it was still in a size made for short attention spans. Amy & Tina started with fake foreign journalist names. They cut to a shot of Gwyneth Paltrow opening a bottle and looking bored. That's pretty much how I look when I watch a Gwyneth Paltrow movie (cue rimshot). Now Jonah Hill & Margot Robbie introduce The Wolf of Wall Street, but the prompter has the wrong words. Whoops, but they handle it well. Who watched "Superbad" back in the day and thought "That Jonah Hill, one day he'll be an Oscar nominee and be in a Scorsese movie"? Yeah, not me.

Now, Aaron Eckhart & Paula Patton present best actor in a TV drama. Paula Patton had some sort of fabric alien monster attack her dress. Bless her. Funniest moment, Michael Sheen's daughter was about to take a sip of something to drink when the camera got on her. Her eyes got HUGE. Yes, funny. It's not like she was mortified or embarrassed for life so don't worry. Bryan Cranston wins for Breaking Bad as America's favorite meth dealer. And now, best TV series drama, because why go in any particular order. Breaking Bad wins best show. I was totally rooting for The Good Wife though. It's my favorite show on TV right now. I'm actually taping it tonight while the Globes are on. Well, DVRing it, but since I'm almost 40, I guess I still say tape lol.

Commercial time. Then all the fake air kisses and all. Watching some of the pre-show because the ballgame wasn't close at first, apparently Taylor Swift is best friends with every actress under 25 in Hollywood: Lena Dunham (explain that one), Jennifer Lawrence, Sarah Hyland from Modern Family, and Kelly Osbourne too. Not just friends, but BEST FRIENDS. She wears me out.

Now introducing the movie Philomena (which I want to see) about a woman who tries to find the son who was taken from her 50 years before, the writer/co-star, Steve Coogan (from Tropic Thunder) brings out the real Philomena. That's a very sweet moment. And now, Usher is onstage with Kate Beckinsale (ex-wife of Michael Sheen by the way) and Sean "Puff Daddy Puffy P. Diddy Now just Sean" Combs. That's quite the trio. They present best score to All Is Lost. He has long hair that he piled on top of his head so it looks like a bird's nest. Turns out Sean Combs partied with him on a boat in St. Baart's, Puffy came up behind him, unbuttoned his jacket and said "Let it flow!" No, I'm not kidding, I can't make this stuff up. Hopefully the award for this guy comes with a free shower. For a movie that takes place all in the water, he looks grungy. Now best song: Coldplay, Disney musical, U2, JT, Taylor Swift. The award goes to U2 for their song from Mandela. Good, I love U2. I want him to have an Oscar because I'm odd that way. Plus, it's a good song. I love how Puffy made the announcement of the award all about him. One day Puffy will come out of his shell. I love how The Edge first of all still calls himself The Edge and how he always has that hat on. Don't stop being YOU The Edge! Great tribute to Mandela by Bono at the end.

Well, that'll do for your part 2! Hey that rhymes! I'm a poet and didn't know it. Hey THAT rhymes too. Are you ready for Eddie? ONCE AGAIN! I rock!

Here's the Golden Globes Y'all - Part 1!

I'm so glad Amy & Tina are hosting the Golden Globes. They are truly genuinely funny folks. Meryl Streep's work in August: Osage County proves there are still good roles for Meryl Streeps over 60. Yep, I think Meryl pushed Glenn Close, Susan Sarandon, and Sigourney Weaver off a cliff. Best joke so far though was about Gravity "the movie shows that George Clooney would rather float off into space and die rather than spend one more minute with a woman his own age." Great reaction shots from co-stars Sandra Bullock and Julianna Margulies. YES YES!! I know, George Clooney used to be on TV on a show from the 90s called "ER". Medical dramas used to be big. George Clooney was actually on 2 shows called ER. Only one of them you remember. Julia Louis-Dreyfus as a too cool film star now that she has a film nomination, puffing on her eCig and blowing off Reese Witherspoon, priceless! Go JLD (just don't beat Amy yet again).

Great monologue from Amy & Tina, now onto awards. Tom Hanks & Sandra Bullock came out of the audience to present. Yeah, that was odd. The winner was Jennifer Lawrence for her super fun turn in American Hustle. I thought it'd be the wonderful Lupita Nyong'o but I guess not. But Jennifer is very worthy. I'm no fashion plate, most of my clothes come from Kohl's so I guess I have room to grow, but is Julia Roberts wearing a blouse tucked into her dress? If so, why?

Now, TV supporting actress. Golden Globes does something odd. They don't divide it up by comedy/drama/movie, it's all in one. I was thinking half pint little Nashville girl would win it. I still remember that she was on Guiding Light years & years ago. Now she plays the slutty version of Taylor Swift on a primetime soap. You've come a long way baby! But the legendary Jacqueline Bisset wins. It's her first win in 5 nominations. I think Jennifer Lawrence's career hasn't been around as long as it took her to get up on stage. TV apparently has to sit in the very back like Baptists ready to get out of church right at noon. She's still talking, cussing, even though the music is playing. SHE JUST DOESN'T CARE!! NBC missed one of her words so the S word went out over the air. I hope you aren't offended. If so, I guess you'll just have to live with it. Nothing you can do.

Naomi Watts, whose appeal I just don't get, is presenting Best Movie/Miniseries with Mark Ruffalo who's always great. Behind the Candelabra wins, defeating American Horror Story. I figured that one, it really was the bigger deal, and AHS is a bit of a mess at times. Now, for best TV movie actress, the winner is Elisabeth Moss for Top of the Lake. Glad she won, she's always so good on Mad Men and never gets recognized. I tried watching Top of the Lake, but got bored early. I think I should try again. Oh, Moss cusses too, but at least they caught this one. I think she deserves an award because she was able to be & stay married to SNL weird guy Fred Armisen for a few years.

Now Matt Damon introduces Captain Phillips. I haven't seen this one yet but I want to. It looks really tense and good.

Well, that'll do for part 1 don't ya think? I think so too!

Academy of Country Music Awards - Part 3

Faith Hill comes out to introduce her husband Tim McGraw. Aww, how flippin sweet. She looks to have gotten back to a more normal weight. She was too skinny but looks so much better now. He's singing with Taylor Swift and Keith Urban is playing guitar. Taylor, you are a backup singer on this song, why all the elaborate movements? You remind of those toys from the 90s, Sky Dancers, the ones that little girls could have take flight. I called em Barbie missiles. You look ready to take flight TayTay, keep it down on Earth. And in addition to surprise face, her new overused look is the "lean back and sing". I'm so over her. The song is ok, but with all the vocals at the end it sounds pretty crowded. Why didn't Tim get Faith to sing this?

Now country superstar LL Cool J is on hand, and look, he has a hat on, shocker! Apparently he's on Brad Paisley's new CD. Who knew. And look John Mayer is there. Thank goodness John Mayer is a talented singer & songwriter because he seems like he'd be a bit of annoying jerk. Once again Brad's microphone is too low. I can barely hear him and I'm not the deaf one in my family. Where did John Mayer get that necklace, the Lillith Fair Clearance Sale Rack? It's awful. Song it pretty good, what I can hear of it.

Now Luke Bryan and his very white teeth, which Blake accurately alluded to, is on now with lasers and a piano, LASERS!! He's much more sedate while performing than he was last time. Very little dancing.

WooHoo Trisha Yearwood appearance. I know they wouldn't let her sing, but I thought she'd be introducing Garth & George. Nope, she's introducing Kelly Clarkson. That'll work too! I love her Don't Rush song. She is showing how simple staging matched up with a great singer & song can engage the audience just as much as having 2 big Cadillacs on stage while oversinging. (That was a Carrie slam in case you didn't catch that). I just wish Vince Gill was single back up like on the single. Loved seeing how many in the audience were quietly and simply singing along. Shows how popular and awesome Kelly is. And lady sitting next to Beth Behrs from 2 Broke Girls, everyone else is standing up and applauding, get your skinny butt up too! Now, the charity portion of the evening featuring Michael Chiklis from that Las Vegas show, the guy from Entertainment Tonight, and some songwriter I've never heard of with big hair and hot pants and Jewel singing a mash up of Hands and a song about hungry children. Children going hungry is a tragedy that this country should never have to deal with because we have plenty. But, this part of the show seems forced and out of place. It sounds like a theme song for a church charity project.

Now a couple of the Duck Dynasty folks are presenting male vocalist. I'm guessing she is that man's wife. I don't watch the show, but everyone I know seems to. I'm sure it's a nice show, just not for me. Jason Aldean wins. Now Reba McEntire comes out to a standing ovation. I think it's because everyone loves her work in the movie Tremors and the Does He Love You video. She looks surprised. But I think that's just her plastic surgery. It's the tribute to the late Dick Clark. They are renaming their Artist of the Decade award after him. Great honor. Now, it's time for Garth Brooks and George Strait to perform together. Garth is performing The Dance, one of the most beautiful and poignant songs EVER. Mrs. Yearwood is doing well. Garth took off his hat! George Strait is singing The Cowboy Rides Away with Garth singing harmony. Great song choices fellas. Too short for me, but still great.

Now "the no-fly zone between Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey" aka Keith Urban is presenting female vocalist to Miranda Lambert. That's 3 awards for her tonight. They are rushing things at this point, they must be behind. Hunter Hayes, aka the 12 year old looking kid is performing. Apparently Stevie Wonder is singing with him. That's, um, an interesting collaboration. He's a pretty good performer, I have to give him that. He plays guitar & piano. He's like Bieber with an accent, musical talent, and no punk attitude. Ooh, a horn section, cool! And the Hunter & Stevie on Sir Duke (You Can Feel It All Over) was actually pretty decent.

Now, Shania Twain is on hand to present Entertainer of the Year. She's doing a show in Vegas now and apparently hasn't been on the ACMs in 10 years. Wow! Luke Bryan wins and is overcome with emotion. Taylor is overcome with hatred. I think someone is gonna have a song written about them! Miranda was the happiest of all for him.

Now, to close out an awards show for country music, it's one of Motown's top singers. Yeah, doesn't make sense to me either, but how can you not love Stevie! Here I am, Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours! And there's Taylor Swift dancing like she's in her bedroom in front of her mirror. Bless her heart. Yep, I used that phrase in ALL THREE HOURS! I'm so proud of me. Shania going over to Faith to sing and dance with her was fun.

We'll that's all I got for tonight. Hope y'all enjoyed it. I know I did. Now, I have to watch Mad Men. It's a busy night for me. Later y'all (the y'all is for the country fans!)

Academy of Country Music Awards - Part 2

And now, the Ice Princess of Country Music, Carrie Underwood, is on singing Two Black Cadillacs. Apparently the lead singer of The Cure is playing guitar for Carrie. She's pretty and has a great voice, but only maybe a couple of her songs actually connect with me. She thinks she has to sing loud all the time. For such a dark song, she sure was smiling a lot. Yes, she's my country music Jennifer Aniston. Now Miranda Lambert and Bruce Jenner are presenting Album of the Year. Oh wait, that's John Fogerty? DANG! Bless his heart. TayTay is nominated here. I kinda hope she loses so I can see THAT surprise face. She pretended she was happy for Eric Church. She's becoming a better actress after that Valentine's Day movie I guess. By the way, Miranda Lambert wins for best supporting dress. Is Eric Church really Boomhauer from King of the Hill? Nice of his wife to lend him her scarf too. Now Blake Shelton is performing with just him, 2 guitars, and a couple of singers. I like it when folks can perform big & small. Now The Band Perry is performing their new single and it's a lot more rocking than If I Die Young was. Ooh, choreographed kicks! What would George Jones say. Are the boys Perry trying to channel 80s Christian rock group Stryper with their look? The final new artist nominee looks like one of E!'s Girls Next Door or the star of a CW show. Well, actually that's accurate since I just looked her up and she was on One Tree Hill. Figured as much.

Hey look everyone, it's Howdy Doody presenting the New Artist of the Year, it's the guy with long hair and dumb vest, CONGRATS!! Now Jason Aldean is singing a song about 1994. Let's see, I was in college in 1994. Yeah, that's about it. Once again a song featuring a pseudo rap part. Really folks, how about you SING? But it is fun hearing Joe Diffie being the focal point of a song and seeing ol' Joe with that sweet mullet! I wonder how many in the audience (young folks I mean) actually know who Joe Diffie is. Now, it's Vocal Group time, Kaley Cuoco from Big Bang Theory just dared Jake Owen to shotgun a beer and smash the can on his head. That sounds pretty southern. Little Big Town wins the award, who knew motorboatin' would be so profitable!

Miranda Lambert, after an oh so classy intro from her hubby, is singing Mama's Broken Heart and every single woman/girl at the show seems to be singing along. Angry lady anthem maybe? It's like a clean You Oughta Know maybe? Now a musicbox dancer is presenting Song of the Year with Sheryl Crow. Sheryl, don't wear that again. Blake & Miranda win for Over You.

Now Little Big Town are performing. There is a couple lying in a chained up bed. Is this the new Saw movie? No, it's one of those floating wire dancer things. I will say this, their harmony is impeccable. That is NOT easy. Now singer Chris Young and Entertainment Tonight Barbie present best single of the year. Miranda wins again for Over You. OK, time for Nancy O'Dell to go back to her Dream Home.

And time for me to move on to hour #3. Still just ok, nothing awesome, nothing awful. Well, not too much too awful. No true hot mess, but the show is a mix of Vegas, Nashville, Rednecks, and White Trash. I feel at home. Top performer, hmmm, Miranda was the most fun, LBT was most heartfelt, but I like stripped down so I will go with Blake. Off to hour #3!

Academy of Country Music Awards - Part 1

Welcome to the ACM Awards blog. As you know, I like to blog awards shows. It's what I do instead of having a productive hobby or reading literature or anything else productive. It starts with Blake Shelton & Luke Bryan, your hosts for the evening, joined by Sheryl Crow (who I found out last week made a country album, out soon!), Pistol Annies (Miranda wore something that fits finally and looks 1000x better), and Brad Paisley on guitar. It's actually a pretty fun song called Boys Round Here, and it perfectly describes a lot of guys I know from Alabama and Arkansas. Wow, Luke Bryan's teeth are very very white, it's like a Crest commercial. Starting off a little bit frat boyish, but not too surprised. Now, Little Jimmie Dickens in beachwear. Oh wait, that's Kenny Chesney. Eh, they are about the same height. One day, Kenny will officially turn into Jimmy Buffett, but tonight it's a bit like country-rock-rap. What's with the folks in the pit slowly waving those pirate flags. They are like these weird robots without rhythm. I do like that the ACMs and CMAs aren't shy in packing in as many performances around the awards. I think it's what the fans like & expect, and country delivers.

Now, Luke & Blake are at some fan jam event. I don't understand why it's in Vegas though. When I think country, I don't think Vegas. How many rednecks are in Vegas on a daily basis. Now Brad Paisley is performing and apparently has some high school intern playing guitar with him, unless that's Hunter Hayes. That kid looks like a middle schooler. Dierks Bentley joins him too. But hey CBS, TURN UP THE GUYS' MICS. I can't hear em!! Fun song about partying in a field, from what I could hear. Now, yet another performance, still no awards. But, who cares, George Strait is about to perform. He's the king of modern country music and this song will be his 60TH #1 hit and he's 60 as well. He still awes me. Unlike at the Grammys, Taylor Swift isn't being shown singing along to every performance. But did you see the lady behind Sheryl Crow. Looked like she was headed to prom. Bless her heart haha. Hey look, Jewel is there too. Where ya been, girl? I have to say, country music performers sure don't look the same as they used to. Where are the big hair & sequins and cowboy hats? For shame :(

Now, Eric Church and his hair are performing his new ballad "Like Jesus Does". It's shot in black & white with the only color is his green guitar. It's a more traditional country song because it mentions: Jesus, whiskey, and the love of a good woman. The new version of David Allan Coe (mama, trains, trucks, prison). Very sparse arrangement. Nice. Now Florida Georgia Line is performing sounds like some more lake rock music (music perfect for rocking out at the lake). That one guy needs a haircut and to ditch that stupid vest. Yes, I'm now an 80 year old man.

Now Lady Antebellum are performing their song Downtown. They started to annoy me over the past couple of years. Will that trend continue? SUSPENSE! I've never understood group members sharing a mic on a note or 2. Really, that's not very sanitary, especially in cold & flu season. Eh, not too bad. Now, the first award at 8:46pm. Now 49ers QB Colin Kaepernik is there presenting with a lady from Young & Restless. He looks about as comfortable as he did at the end of the Super Bowl. GO RAVENS! Anyway, Thompson Square wins. Now another new artist nominee, Brantley Gilbert. No cowboy hat, but he does have a baseball cap and his drummer has a mohawk! Once again the sound is off and I couldn't understand a dang word he sang. 

Anyway, that's hour #1. Nothing too outrageous or embarrassing, but the hosts haven't been on since the very beginning. That's a bit odd. Anyway, hour #1 highlight? George Strait of course. As if there was doubt. On to hour #2!

Oscars Hour #3

This next hour starts with Nicole Kidman still looking human and introducing Silver Linings Playbook, Django Unchained, and that laugh riot Amour. Nicole, keep away from the Botox, you look better without it.  Oh look Kristen Stewart is actually halfway smiling. She always looks so miserable. Maybe SHE should have been in Les Miserables. You don't want to know what my friends though about her. Daniel Radcliffe is TINY! Art direction Oscar goes to Lincoln. Is Salma Hayek hiding a neck brace underneath that dress? Does she need it to hold up all that hair? Yes, let's give Salma all the hard words to say. Bless it.

And we're back, and here is George Clooney, in a beard, looking like he was lost in the wilderness. He's here to introduce what I call "The Death Parade" aka "In Memoriam". It ended with EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony) winner Marvin Hamlisch who wrote The Way We Were, sung now by Barbra Streisand. She sounds great, but her look, well, she sounds great. See, I can be nice :)

Back yet again, and this time with a joke about Rex Reed making weight jokes. He should have been ashamed of how he referred to Melissa McCarthy. But it got people to realize he wasn't dead, so, I guess it worked. Now, the stars of Chicago are presenting best score. Who knew Renee Zellweger was still around? Who knew Queen Latifah was the mother of the bride? Life of Pi wins. Now Norah Jones is singing the song from Ted. And, for best original song. It better be Skyfall or I'll be ticked! Thankfully Skyfall wins!

And we're back with Dustin Hoffman being dwarfed by Charlize Theron. His eyes are pretty much at chest level on her. She can rock a short haircut. See Justin Bieber, that's how a woman should wear short hair. Now, best adapted screenplay goes to Argo!! Great movie, so if you haven't seen it, please do, it's out on DVD. This guy looks like he just woke up though. Bless his heart. And best original screenplay goes to Quentin Tarantino for Django Unchained. However, most of the screenplay can't be repeated in public. I still have to see this. Quentin also looks like he just woke up and just sobered up.

Now Jane Fonda & Michael Douglas are walking through a tiki torch garden to present best director. My dad isn't a Fonda fan, but she's be overhauled more than a restored 57 Chevy. How much work has she had done? Do her feet even touch the floor? Does she cry from behind her ears? Anyway, best director goes to Ang Lee for Life of Pi. I had him as my #2. I still thought they'd give it to Spielberg. Still gotta see Pi.

Moving quickly now, 3 categories left. Now, Jean Dujardin will present best actress. I want Jennifer Lawrence to win because she's hilarious and fun and was very good in Silver Linings Playbook. And Amour just looks so depressing and sad or painful to watch. And the Oscar goes to Jennifer Lawrence!! Congrats to her, even though she just face planted on the way up. You go girl! She was genuinely surprised. How sweet And she even wished happy birthday to her fellow nominee 86 year old Emmanuelle Riva. Even sweeter :) Now the acting superstar Meryl Streep presenting Best Actor to of course Daniel Day-Lewis as Lincoln. I hear he is amazing. He even made a great joke with Meryl about being signed to play Margaret Thatcher lol. Now here's Jack to present Best Picture. And to co-present, from the White House, Michelle Obama. I'm sure some of my friends will hate that part. Get over it, in all Christian love & kindness :) And the Oscar goes to Argo!! Congrats to Ben and the cast & crew. Ben gave one of the best speeches of the night, right after Daniel Day-Lewis.

And now, to close the show, it's Seth with the incomparable Kristin Chenoweth. Let's see how this goes. This is a tribute to the losers. Kristin with a great Tom Cruise, bless them all. All in all, not a bad show. Fun enough I guess. Seth wasn't hideous.

Anyway, here's to all of y'all out there. Signing off here until the Academy of Country Awards this spring. Later!

Oscars Hour #2

Oscars hour #2 starts with Jennifer Garner and Jessica Chastain presenting Best Foreign Language Film. The Oscar goes to Amour, a story about an elderly couple facing old age and death. Yeah, it's a laugh riot y'all! This director also made the movie Funny Games, the original and American remake about a group of young kids who do a home invasion on this family and torture them. Yes, another laugh riot! Now, John Travolta is here for some reason. Oh wow that is one AWFUL wig he's wearing. He's introducing the tribute to movie musicals. Apparently it's gonna have a lot of Les Mis. True, I'm miserables about it. Thankfully, the Zeta is kicking it off with All That Jazz. She's still got it! Next Jennifer Hudson is singing the song that got her the Oscar. I'm glad she's just singing because girl can't act. I don't even believe her on those Weight Watcher commercials where she says she lost all that weight. I think she sang this song better when she was heavier. I didn't hate Les Mis, I just saw a lot of problems with it. Anne Hathaway was great though. I guess Les Mis gets all this extra attention because it is easier to showcase a musical. But I didn't like this song. The girl playing Eponine has a very tiny waist. I think looking hungry should just have been for the movie. Eat a sandwich girl. I like musicals but that was not good at all. But it was staged better at the Oscars than in the movie. The directing of that movie was hideous. And all the close ups. I wanted to wipe Anne's nose when she was slinging snot & crying. Gross. But to be honest, I didn't like the director's work on The King's Speech either, so, there ya go.

Now, Chris Pine and Zoe Saldana, aka Kirk and Uhura. Glad she's not promoting a sequel to Avatar. I hated Avatar. Now, Mark Wahlberg and Ted are presenting best Sound Mixing. It's one of 2 sound awards. One is for overall sound the other is for sound effects. Got it? Good. Les Mis wins. Bummer :( I guess it's because they did sing live and that was tough to do. Oh Ted, you are so crazy! Now, a tie!! First winner is Zero Dark Thirty. This is won by some guy who looks like he drives a van with no back windows. And the second Oscar goes to Skyfall. This is the 3rd guy with creepy long hair who has won tonight. Apparently, they need a Head Start or Sports Clips or Gayfer's salon out in Hollywood. Great Sound of Music joke right there actually. THEY'RE GONE! Now Christopher Plummer, aka Mr. Von Trapp, is here to present Best Supporting Actress. Many think Anne Hathaway will and should win, but her speeches have been a bit, well, full of herself. You played pretend and sang, you didn't cure diseases. And the Oscar goes to Anne Hathaway. Best supporting dress & undergarment doesn't go to Anne though. Ooh, girls with snacks. Do you really think people in Hollywood eat though? Bless your hearts.

Oh good, the Academy president is speaking. Nobody cares, it just means more time for bathroom and snacks. Blah blah blah, bring back the pretty people. Yeah, Sandra Bullock. Is that a bedazzled hearing aid? Oh wait, just some hair clip. Did she just say hamhock? Yes, yes, she did. Now, the award for film editing goes to Argo, it's first award of the night. YEA!!! Now, it's Katniss Everdeen, the Girl on Fire introducing my girl Adele singing Skyfall. YES!!! She is a goddess.

OK, that's a good stopping point. Let's move on to hour #3, shall we?