The CMA Awards - Part 3 Y'all!!!

Now Tim McGraw is performing a song called Shotgun Rider (I think that's what Brad said?) First off, fella needs a sandwich (pronounced sammich). He's got a real life steel guitar player y'all! What do y'all think of the band all in white jackets? Not a bad song, but why bring out the guitar if you are just gonna sling it over your back? I can "play" guitar like that too. You ain't special.

Now vocal duo, which will go to Florida Georgia Auto-Tune, I mean Florida-Georgia Line, sorry. But that one guy presenting is tall, the girl looks like the country version of Lorde and then there's the third guy. Now some random guy is on a stage singing. According to the graphic it's Cole Swindell and according to my eyes he's lost his upper lip somewhere along the way. Just odd they didn't give him a real introduction. But a Wikipedia search confirmed my suspicions from the GS on his hat that he went to Georgia Southern. Just a bit of trivia for ya.

Carrie Underwood in outfit #27 introducing Dierks Bentley singing Drunk On a Plane (apparently he got his pilot's license this year, how scary is that). Another guitar slung across his back, but he actually brings it out and plays it. Not my favorite Dierks song but you have to drink a lot in a country song or it's not country. Hey sound mixers, can't y'all turn the instruments down, can't hear Dierks. Or are you drunk on TV?

Now, Martina McBride and Coach Taylor's wife, I mean Connie Britton. Sorry, I'm a Friday Night Lights fan forever. Clear eyes, full hearts, CAN'T LOSE! Now album of the year goes to Miranda Lambert which I thought it would. She looks like Baby Spice now.

WooHoo, Hunger Games commercial. I can't wait! I need to re-read the books at some point. I read them all quickly back around the time I had back surgery.

Now, Carrie Underwood in outfit #39 of the night introducing her co-host Brad Paisley. Can't help but like the guy, but the weird swaying mosh pit in front of him is kinda creepy. Man, he can play that guitar! Now Blake Shelton is singing. I remember when he had a mullet and sang Austin. Oh how times change. Is he singing with Luna Lovegood from Hogwarts? (Yes, a Harry Potter joke y'all!) He looks uncomfortable dancing/moving lol.

On to part 4, the Final Chapter!

The CMA Awards - Part 2 Y'all!!

Brad Paisley kicks off this segment saying that ABC's hit freshman comedy black-ish is not what folks are watching, but to stay tuned and enjoy white-ish. Haha, it's funny because it's true. Now, Keith Urban is performing. He can play a mean guitar and always gives his all. But seriously, the same hair still? Who are you, Rod Stewart? It looks like the hairdo just past Soccer Mom #12. Nicole is there and she doesn't look like an alien robot. Congrats!

Now Darius Rucker (who will always be Hootie to me) and Tim Tebow (who will always be that guy Bama and Ole Miss made cry after beating them) present song of the year to Kacey Musgraves for Follow Your Arrow, YES!!!  Very happy about that. I love that song, and nothing about mud ridin in a pickup with a 6 pack. I'm sure the song is a bit controversial with some of the lyrics, but it's great.

Now The Band Perry singing Glen Campbell's Gentle On My Mind. God Bless Glen. He lived a rough tough life and now is fighting due to Alzheimer's. He has a documentary and new song (which is a heartbreaking song). I swear that one Boy Perry looks ready to join a Flock of Seagulls tribute band or something. Wow, this performance is GREAT! The Girl Perry is a sassy one ain't she?

Medicine commercials get scarier and scarier all the time. I'm waiting for them to just say "Either your disease will kill you or this medicine will. TAKE YOUR PICK!" I'm proud to say I take one of those tv commercial medicines. It helps me function.

Now Kacey Musgraves is performing on an old fashioned Grand Ole Opry set with an old fashioned hairdo singing Loretta Lynn's classic "If You're Lookin' At Me, You're Lookin' At Country", although her dress is shorter than Miss Loretta's. Then who comes out but LORETTA LYNN!! Full ballgown as usual, to sing along. She's 82 and still looks and sounds great!

Now, 2 guys they found at the bar at the local Chili's are out to present new artist of the year. Seriously guys, dress up or something, the new artist winner, Brett Eldredge is wearing a flipping tux.

Now Jason Aldean is performing on his "I'm sorry I cheated on my wife with an American Idol loser got caught tried to make it work but she wouldn't have me so now I'm engaged to that girl" tour. That's heck trying to fit on a t-shirt. Not that I'm judging. To me, he still hasn't surpassed his work on his duet with Kelly Clarkson. But I respect him because he's not some skinny guy. He looks like he wore husky sized pants when he was a kid. But the fake rips in the jeans he's wearing now makes him look like a scarecrow. If he only had a brain.

Carrie Underwood is out in outfit number 12 and Brad Paisley is out with a great idea. He's got a Sam's size container of cheese balls in a baby carrier strapped to him. I LIKE IT!! Now I want some! Now Little Big Town is performing in outfits with HEAVY red outlining. Creepy. They are singing their hit "Day Drinking" or as some people I know would call it "Alcoholism" or "A Cry For Help". I'll stick with day ice creaming. Now I want Ice Cream! Oh the read is now white. Those are lights y'all! Fancy. Now Ariana is singing her part of Bang Bang. Why, seriously, why? That went from zero to hot mess in less than 5 seconds. A new land speed record!

OK, I say part 2 is DONE!

The CMA Awards - Part 1 Y'all!

It's been a minute since I've blogged an awards show. Well, 7 months actually. I blogged the ACM Awards, now, I've eaten, got my dishwasher running, clothes ready for tomorrow, American Horror Story set to tape (yes, I know it's a DVR, but I'm old and I still tape shows, leave me alone and get off my lawn) and I'm ready to watch the CMAs.

They are starting off the show with Kenny Chesney doing some speak/singing thing. It's got a banjo so it SOUND country. But it looks about as country as a Yankees game. It's got hipster dressed guys and girls dancing around a psychadelic-ish painted bus. I have expected the Partridge Family to get off it was so colorful. Now, keeping in the theme of real country, Miranda Lambert is singing with Meghan Trainor on her hit "All About That Bass". I do like that song, but I'm waiting for the real country to start. Half a fiddle in it don't make it country. Tim McGraw looked mighty confused. George Strait was laughing, but in my mind, he was thinking "What is this y'all?".

Now, Brad & Carrie. How many pregnancy jokes will we get? They start off honoring the now retired but still nominated George Strait. Now, pregnancy joke #1. Ooh, an Ebola joke song called Quarantine set to Dolly's Jolene. Ooh, political jokes. Easy crowd to do this with. Carrie is much less wooden than she was last year when she was on the CMAs and The Sound of Music (bless her heart on that one). Ooh, a Renee Zellweger joke.

For the first award of the evening, let's hear it for country icon...Steven Tyler? What? Um, ok. Also, forget what happened to Renee, what has happened to Steven Tyler over the years? The winner for single of the year goes to Miranda Lambert for Automatic. I do like that song though so it's ok. But I think something happened to part of her dress. Looks odd. Wait, Ariana Grande is there too? Why are they trying to take the country out of my country?

Now Lady Antebellum are on stage singing about revenge drunking with Hey Bartender. Hey look the Swiss Miss girl is playing guitar for them. Seriously dude, NOBODY is wearing 2 long braided ponytails anymore. He's so 2013 or probably 1913. It was a rock song with a banjo but still catchier than it had a right to be.

Now, Florida Georgia Line is performing. I'm interested to hear what they sound like without all the autotune. This is actually the most country I've heard them sound. I still don't know which one is Florida and which one is Georgia. I know one is sleeveless and tatted and one is in his finest Hank Williams knock-off shirt.

Well that's enough to get everyone started. I'm looking forward to The Band Perry singing Gentle On My Mind. I'm interested to hear Ariana Grande slur her way through some song. Seriously girl ENUNCIATE! More soon!

ACM Awards - Part 4 Y'all!!!!

Part Final aka Part 4 opens with Tim McGraw sitting on a stool wearing what looks like a black straw hat and singing into a leftover prop microphone from that Great Gatsby movie I didn't like. Then Faith saunters out in a slinky gown, but she looks and sounds better than she has in a while. Good for her.

Meanwhile, Blake Shelton heads over to Mandalay Bay where they relegated Florida/Georgia Line, who are performing with Luke Bryan. It sounds like it'll be a country frat party. Looks it too. Oh look, flames. Oh look again, bike tricks and a big rig on the video screen. Are they trying to kinda rap? Bless they hearts. I've used that in at least 3 posts now. I should have done it in all 4. Dang it!

Carrie isn't performing? What's that about? No, I don't like her and thought her acting in Sound of Music was more stiff than an overstarched dress shirt, but people love her. Jason Aldean wins. Dude, why can't we see your eyes? You been puffin with Eric Church & Willie Nelson? Now, Toby Keith! Wow, he's still around too? Ooh, fireworks! Last time I saw him he was singing about Red Solo Cups. Is that Chaz Bono sitting next to Keith Urban? Kinda looked like him. Glad one of the backup singers for Toby has a tambourine, because Stevie Nicks didn't have hers. Dear goob cheesing and grinning at the camera, don't just don't. You look like a dbag. Drunk girl in the audience then stands up to dance at the end of the song. A little late, but thanks for playing.

Now, George Strait and Jerry Jones. They are announcing the 50th Anniversary of the ACMs and it'll be at Jerry World in Dallas. Good to know someone will be winning something that matters there. Haha. Now, ET host Nancy O'Dell and David Nail (no clue) are presenting vocal group. Wow, he's awkward. Not sure what happened to the rest of her dress, but she should get a refund. Vocal group of the year is The Band Perry. If I Die Young, I want hair like them. Now, Jewel is out in a shiny dress and shiny lips to tell about the ACM Charity. Now, Hunter Hayes, the clean cut country Bieber, is performing his song Invisible about being bullied, hungry, alone, etc. It's a great idea, but it plays like a very special episode of an 80s sitcom than an actual song. But Merle clapped, and that's all that matters.

WooHoo, my girl Trisha Yearwood is presenting Female Vocalist. She's won it twice. If you haven't watched her Food Network show, please do, it's great. Miranda Lambert wins female vocalist. Not a shock. The women who didn't win, at least 2 of them didn't look too thrilled. Oh well, sorry Carrie. Now Hootie & Lady A singing a song Bob Dylan wrote. I can't make this stuff up. Folks are eating this up. Lord, Taylor Swift is doing the awkward white girl dancing to the song, like she does to all song at all awards shows. I kinda like & expect it now. And now, Hootie, aka Darius Rucker presents Album of the Year to Kacey Musgraves. I've heard she's a unique and super talented woman. Good for her. Why is there only one solo female performing at the ACMs tonight?

Now, Mr. Trisha Yearwood, aka Garth Brooks is introducing Miranda Lambert & George Strait in tribute to Crystal Milestone recipient (whatever that is) Merle Haggard. It was a bit rushed. I guess more faux country artists need to perform? Nice performance by Miranda and George and short speech from Merle. Apparently, Rascal Flatts is performing? Why? They weren't nominated and their lead singer annoys me. Good grief, I stop listening and it all goes to crap :(

So here's Rascal Flatts. That lead singer is just so completely annoying. He's added stupid movements to his added weight. He changed his stage name to LeVox because it means "The Voice". No, just no. Now, two real artists, Dierks Bentley and Sheryl Crow. Good job. Now, 2 great country artists to present Entertainer of the Year: Chris O'Donnell and LL Cool J. And the winner is...George Strait!! Thankfully they got something right! He totally just left Miranda Lambert hanging. I think he's shocked. Good for him. He's one of the best of all time and is still real country!!

Well, kids, that's it for tonight. I hope y'all enjoyed it. I delayed watching the season premiere of Game of Thrones for y'all. If you didn't like it, well, tough. Have a great night and a great week. Be blessed :)

ACM Awards - Part 3 Y'all!!!

Now Blake Shelton is introducing Luke Bryan and doing a fake bad intro. I'm surprised he didn't pull a Travolta and call him Adele Dazeem. It's funny how when the cameras cut to the girls in the audience singing along, it's always at a part of the song they don't know or get wrong. Aww, bless they hearts. HOOTIE SIGHTING! Nice enough little song.

Now, Florida/Georgia Line are presenting best new artist. Will it be no hat, cowboy hat, or backwards baseball cap. Based on the little video snippets of them, I'm rooting for no hat. But the winner is...HAT!! His name is Justin Moore. Based on the performances, he was the most generic. WOW, he's a tony little man, no wonder he wears the height. He did joke that he thought there was a height requirement for the award. He's from Arkansas, just like my Daddy! So, cool for him. But he's crying. No, just don't.

Now Jason Aldean comes out. He's in all black, black hat too. All I know of him is he sang with Kelly Clarkson and TMZ caught him making out with some former American Idol contestant, while he was married. He's no longer married. Now Daft Punk is out to present single of the year. Nah, just kidding, it's Luke Bryan and Blake Shelton in a joke I saw coming from a mile away. I've actually heard of all these songs for single of the year. I'm rooting for Mama's Broken Heart because it was just fun. The winner is Mama's Broken Heart! I thought it'd be that Tim McGraw one. Miranda looks great, not because she's lost weight, but because she's dressing her size. I never thought she was big just wearing the wrong size. Actually, now, she looks a little TOO skinny. Eat you a sandwich girl!

Now Blake is introducing his wife Miranda Lambert singing a song called Automatic. Apparently she's been at Michael's or Hobby Lobby because she bedazzled the heck out that microphone. I think the mugged Judy Jetson for those boots though. That one audience member they showed looks like what I think Hilary Duff would look like if she didn't have those horse teeth veneers put in. I have heard this song before too. Not a bad song. It's about how things these days are too fast paced and we don't enjoy the slower paced things in life. Nice of fat bearded man in the audience to clap while holding & not spilling his beer. God forbid you put it down for a moment. Such a gentleman. As Ouiser said in Steel Magnolias said "I bet he even takes the dishes out of the sink before he pees in it".

Now Olivia Munn & Aaron Rodgers, a great country pairing, present song of the year. Wagon Wheel is a nominee which means Bob Dylan got an ACM nomination. But Lee Brice wins for I Drive Your Truck, about a man who's brother was killed in the war. 2 of the 3 writers of the song are women. Cool.

Well, let's make that a wrap. Final hour coming up!

ACM Awards - Part 2 Y'all!!

Half an hour in and still no awards given. Martina McBride is out there to introduce the one, the only, the legendary, THE George Strait. He is truly one of the best ever. Show em how it's done George! Some of the folks in the audience though, bless they hearts. They look like the type who would go to the beach and still want to eat at Red Lobster. Some of the hair on the performers, WOW! There's a big hole in the ozone now filled with Aqua Net.

Lee Brice is now singing I Drive Your Truck. It's a serious song, you can tell because his ballcap is on backwards, and it's just him and his guitar, but it seemed like a song about a dead relative, but he got to sing it for 30 seconds, what the heck. Now, I'm about to shoot my TV because Guy Fieri is on my screen, NOT BY CHOICE! Oh look, he's wearing a gray camouflage suit because rednecks hunt. You are a waste Guy, go away. He introduced some package on what sort of country fun Vegas had this week. But still, it was Guy, that's enough to make me hurl. Now, some Kohl's commercial about some little boy taking his first jump off the high diving board. No, just no. High dive, and heights, are evil. I did it as a kid and was scared every time. I even dove off a high dive. I was dumb. Plus, a Disney movie commercial with that Philip Phillips song "Home" #1, why the same name first & last? No, just no. #2, aren't we done with that song yet? It's worse than Happy about being everywhere. I decree both songs done!

Now Eric Church is performing. Last time I saw him on an awards show stage, he looked like Dale Gribble from King of the Hill. Thankfully, he doesn't anymore. Blake & Luke did a weed joke about him in the opening so apparently he's a country bad boy. Hey at least he isn't singing about beer and trucks in this song. I kinda like this one. Oh wow, I think they just showed one member of Big & Rich (are they still around?) and he was wearing a ruffled shirt. Aww, that's just sad.

Now, New Artist nominee #2 (after Brett something) named Justin something is singing. He's got a big hat & a big belt buckle and he's singing about a truck! Glad to see he's avoiding cliches, and some weird kiss blowing at the end. Huh? Still no awards though!

Now, we're back with Blake Shelton in jeans & vest and Shakira in I think half a nightgown and leather thigh highs. She kinda looks like Charo from an episode of The Love Boat. Not feeling this song though. Now skinny little Taylor Swift is out to present top vocal duo. I guess since she's not as country anymore, they aren't letting her sing. Aww. From the clips, I think I'd like Thompson Square the best, but the winner is Florida/Georgia Line. Don't discount the power of a Nelly rap in a truck song. The one guy (not sure if it was Florida or Georgia) was in a Garth Brooks tshirt with what looked like a Members Only jacket. He looked like a villain from a generic 80s movie.

Now, Lady Antebellum and Stevie Nicks performing together. At least they are subdued, even if the song sounds like a long distance commercial from the 80s. Well, subdued lasted 30 seconds, but thankfully Stevie tears into Rhiannon. I know Misty Day from American Horror Story would be saddened to see Stevie without a scarf. How many of these country fans know what this song is about? Hillary held her own with Stevie. Good job!

Now, Keith Urban is taking time off from Idol to perform on the ACMs. He always has some good fun songs. He sounds like an 80s pop rocker more than a country star, but I still can't help but like him. Now, new artist nominee #3, his name is Kip and he has a sleeveless, a backwards ballcap, and his song is "Somethin' 'Bout a Truck". I think he has a bible verse tattooed on his biceps. Just reporting facts.

That's it for part 2, to Part 3 & BEYOND!!!

ACM Awards - Part 1, Y'all!

Good evening everyone! After taking the Oscars off to attend an Oscar party, I'm back with my brilliant thoughts on another awards show. This time, it's the Academy of Country Music Awards, coming to you from the heart of country music...Las Vegas? Um, ok? I know it's been in Vegas for years, but still. I'm a traditionalist, it should be in Nashville. Today's country is different than the country I grew up on. Today, it's all slick generic pop with an occasional banjo. Plus, it's almost all guys singing songs about trucks & beer. I guess I'm just old-fashioned. I was country when country wasn't cool. Heck, I was country when Barbara Mandrell WAS cool, and that's saying something! I don't think any of these guys can hold a candle to Waylon, Willie, Johnny, or George. Plus, I don't like Carrie (sorry). Anyway, on with the show.

Oh good, Shakira is on the show. Wait, what? Shakira is on? Um, ok. At least there is a tribute to Merle featuring George Strait, Miranda (who could be modern & traditional) and Garth. We start with The Band Perry. The lead Perry now looks like Sheryl Crow, creepy. Perry boy 1 looks like Steve Perry and Perry boy 2 looks like Joe Perry, fitting since this is like a cross between what I imagine a Journey & Aerosmith concert to be.

Now your hosts, Blake Shelton & Luke Bryan come out. Luke Bryan always has a big smile and good teeth going. It's like he's a walking ad for Aspen Dental or something. Seems like he's a nice guy. Blake opens up with a big slam on Britney Spears not singing live. But c'mon, who goes to see her to listen to her vocal ability? At least Luke Bryan got in a good Dallas Cowboys slam. Everyone is covered in confetti in the audience and that's bizarre, but in a good way. You know those women spent tons of time & money on their hair & dresses and boom, it's like a bad prom. Well, I saw some of them, and they looked like a bad prom to begin with.

After some painfully bad and obvious jokes (makes me appreciate Brad & Carrie even more on CMAs), they toss it to Florida/Georgia Line performing. They sound a little more country than Band Perry did, but I kinda miss that song they did will Nelly. Yes, I know Nelly isn't country, but that song was awful & awfully catchy. Then, immediately into Brad Paisley performing at a pool party in Vegas. Surprised to see more tats on the guys than girls. Ladies, you are disappointing me. Fun enough little summer sounding song about going to the river bank.

Now, back from commercial, it's Blake Shelton performing with Gwen Sebastian. She has southern blonde lady hairdo #47. Go to the mall or little park on Saturday and you'll see at least 10 women with the same hair. Good to see Blake's wife singing along. It's good for spouses to be involved and interested in the other's job. Is the stage decorated with candles in mason jars? What, did Pinterest throw up in there? I still don't understand Pinterest and really just don't want to. But the song was actually pretty good. Was that Christiane Amanpour  they showed?

Now some generic looking & sounding country boy (no hat) named I think Brent Everett is singing some song with his beach based video playing in the background. He looks happy though.

Well, this is a good start for blogging, so yeah, part 2 coming up next!