Academy of Country Music Awards - Part 3

Faith Hill comes out to introduce her husband Tim McGraw. Aww, how flippin sweet. She looks to have gotten back to a more normal weight. She was too skinny but looks so much better now. He's singing with Taylor Swift and Keith Urban is playing guitar. Taylor, you are a backup singer on this song, why all the elaborate movements? You remind of those toys from the 90s, Sky Dancers, the ones that little girls could have take flight. I called em Barbie missiles. You look ready to take flight TayTay, keep it down on Earth. And in addition to surprise face, her new overused look is the "lean back and sing". I'm so over her. The song is ok, but with all the vocals at the end it sounds pretty crowded. Why didn't Tim get Faith to sing this?

Now country superstar LL Cool J is on hand, and look, he has a hat on, shocker! Apparently he's on Brad Paisley's new CD. Who knew. And look John Mayer is there. Thank goodness John Mayer is a talented singer & songwriter because he seems like he'd be a bit of annoying jerk. Once again Brad's microphone is too low. I can barely hear him and I'm not the deaf one in my family. Where did John Mayer get that necklace, the Lillith Fair Clearance Sale Rack? It's awful. Song it pretty good, what I can hear of it.

Now Luke Bryan and his very white teeth, which Blake accurately alluded to, is on now with lasers and a piano, LASERS!! He's much more sedate while performing than he was last time. Very little dancing.

WooHoo Trisha Yearwood appearance. I know they wouldn't let her sing, but I thought she'd be introducing Garth & George. Nope, she's introducing Kelly Clarkson. That'll work too! I love her Don't Rush song. She is showing how simple staging matched up with a great singer & song can engage the audience just as much as having 2 big Cadillacs on stage while oversinging. (That was a Carrie slam in case you didn't catch that). I just wish Vince Gill was single back up like on the single. Loved seeing how many in the audience were quietly and simply singing along. Shows how popular and awesome Kelly is. And lady sitting next to Beth Behrs from 2 Broke Girls, everyone else is standing up and applauding, get your skinny butt up too! Now, the charity portion of the evening featuring Michael Chiklis from that Las Vegas show, the guy from Entertainment Tonight, and some songwriter I've never heard of with big hair and hot pants and Jewel singing a mash up of Hands and a song about hungry children. Children going hungry is a tragedy that this country should never have to deal with because we have plenty. But, this part of the show seems forced and out of place. It sounds like a theme song for a church charity project.

Now a couple of the Duck Dynasty folks are presenting male vocalist. I'm guessing she is that man's wife. I don't watch the show, but everyone I know seems to. I'm sure it's a nice show, just not for me. Jason Aldean wins. Now Reba McEntire comes out to a standing ovation. I think it's because everyone loves her work in the movie Tremors and the Does He Love You video. She looks surprised. But I think that's just her plastic surgery. It's the tribute to the late Dick Clark. They are renaming their Artist of the Decade award after him. Great honor. Now, it's time for Garth Brooks and George Strait to perform together. Garth is performing The Dance, one of the most beautiful and poignant songs EVER. Mrs. Yearwood is doing well. Garth took off his hat! George Strait is singing The Cowboy Rides Away with Garth singing harmony. Great song choices fellas. Too short for me, but still great.

Now "the no-fly zone between Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey" aka Keith Urban is presenting female vocalist to Miranda Lambert. That's 3 awards for her tonight. They are rushing things at this point, they must be behind. Hunter Hayes, aka the 12 year old looking kid is performing. Apparently Stevie Wonder is singing with him. That's, um, an interesting collaboration. He's a pretty good performer, I have to give him that. He plays guitar & piano. He's like Bieber with an accent, musical talent, and no punk attitude. Ooh, a horn section, cool! And the Hunter & Stevie on Sir Duke (You Can Feel It All Over) was actually pretty decent.

Now, Shania Twain is on hand to present Entertainer of the Year. She's doing a show in Vegas now and apparently hasn't been on the ACMs in 10 years. Wow! Luke Bryan wins and is overcome with emotion. Taylor is overcome with hatred. I think someone is gonna have a song written about them! Miranda was the happiest of all for him.

Now, to close out an awards show for country music, it's one of Motown's top singers. Yeah, doesn't make sense to me either, but how can you not love Stevie! Here I am, Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours! And there's Taylor Swift dancing like she's in her bedroom in front of her mirror. Bless her heart. Yep, I used that phrase in ALL THREE HOURS! I'm so proud of me. Shania going over to Faith to sing and dance with her was fun.

We'll that's all I got for tonight. Hope y'all enjoyed it. I know I did. Now, I have to watch Mad Men. It's a busy night for me. Later y'all (the y'all is for the country fans!)

Academy of Country Music Awards - Part 2

And now, the Ice Princess of Country Music, Carrie Underwood, is on singing Two Black Cadillacs. Apparently the lead singer of The Cure is playing guitar for Carrie. She's pretty and has a great voice, but only maybe a couple of her songs actually connect with me. She thinks she has to sing loud all the time. For such a dark song, she sure was smiling a lot. Yes, she's my country music Jennifer Aniston. Now Miranda Lambert and Bruce Jenner are presenting Album of the Year. Oh wait, that's John Fogerty? DANG! Bless his heart. TayTay is nominated here. I kinda hope she loses so I can see THAT surprise face. She pretended she was happy for Eric Church. She's becoming a better actress after that Valentine's Day movie I guess. By the way, Miranda Lambert wins for best supporting dress. Is Eric Church really Boomhauer from King of the Hill? Nice of his wife to lend him her scarf too. Now Blake Shelton is performing with just him, 2 guitars, and a couple of singers. I like it when folks can perform big & small. Now The Band Perry is performing their new single and it's a lot more rocking than If I Die Young was. Ooh, choreographed kicks! What would George Jones say. Are the boys Perry trying to channel 80s Christian rock group Stryper with their look? The final new artist nominee looks like one of E!'s Girls Next Door or the star of a CW show. Well, actually that's accurate since I just looked her up and she was on One Tree Hill. Figured as much.

Hey look everyone, it's Howdy Doody presenting the New Artist of the Year, it's the guy with long hair and dumb vest, CONGRATS!! Now Jason Aldean is singing a song about 1994. Let's see, I was in college in 1994. Yeah, that's about it. Once again a song featuring a pseudo rap part. Really folks, how about you SING? But it is fun hearing Joe Diffie being the focal point of a song and seeing ol' Joe with that sweet mullet! I wonder how many in the audience (young folks I mean) actually know who Joe Diffie is. Now, it's Vocal Group time, Kaley Cuoco from Big Bang Theory just dared Jake Owen to shotgun a beer and smash the can on his head. That sounds pretty southern. Little Big Town wins the award, who knew motorboatin' would be so profitable!

Miranda Lambert, after an oh so classy intro from her hubby, is singing Mama's Broken Heart and every single woman/girl at the show seems to be singing along. Angry lady anthem maybe? It's like a clean You Oughta Know maybe? Now a musicbox dancer is presenting Song of the Year with Sheryl Crow. Sheryl, don't wear that again. Blake & Miranda win for Over You.

Now Little Big Town are performing. There is a couple lying in a chained up bed. Is this the new Saw movie? No, it's one of those floating wire dancer things. I will say this, their harmony is impeccable. That is NOT easy. Now singer Chris Young and Entertainment Tonight Barbie present best single of the year. Miranda wins again for Over You. OK, time for Nancy O'Dell to go back to her Dream Home.

And time for me to move on to hour #3. Still just ok, nothing awesome, nothing awful. Well, not too much too awful. No true hot mess, but the show is a mix of Vegas, Nashville, Rednecks, and White Trash. I feel at home. Top performer, hmmm, Miranda was the most fun, LBT was most heartfelt, but I like stripped down so I will go with Blake. Off to hour #3!

Academy of Country Music Awards - Part 1

Welcome to the ACM Awards blog. As you know, I like to blog awards shows. It's what I do instead of having a productive hobby or reading literature or anything else productive. It starts with Blake Shelton & Luke Bryan, your hosts for the evening, joined by Sheryl Crow (who I found out last week made a country album, out soon!), Pistol Annies (Miranda wore something that fits finally and looks 1000x better), and Brad Paisley on guitar. It's actually a pretty fun song called Boys Round Here, and it perfectly describes a lot of guys I know from Alabama and Arkansas. Wow, Luke Bryan's teeth are very very white, it's like a Crest commercial. Starting off a little bit frat boyish, but not too surprised. Now, Little Jimmie Dickens in beachwear. Oh wait, that's Kenny Chesney. Eh, they are about the same height. One day, Kenny will officially turn into Jimmy Buffett, but tonight it's a bit like country-rock-rap. What's with the folks in the pit slowly waving those pirate flags. They are like these weird robots without rhythm. I do like that the ACMs and CMAs aren't shy in packing in as many performances around the awards. I think it's what the fans like & expect, and country delivers.

Now, Luke & Blake are at some fan jam event. I don't understand why it's in Vegas though. When I think country, I don't think Vegas. How many rednecks are in Vegas on a daily basis. Now Brad Paisley is performing and apparently has some high school intern playing guitar with him, unless that's Hunter Hayes. That kid looks like a middle schooler. Dierks Bentley joins him too. But hey CBS, TURN UP THE GUYS' MICS. I can't hear em!! Fun song about partying in a field, from what I could hear. Now, yet another performance, still no awards. But, who cares, George Strait is about to perform. He's the king of modern country music and this song will be his 60TH #1 hit and he's 60 as well. He still awes me. Unlike at the Grammys, Taylor Swift isn't being shown singing along to every performance. But did you see the lady behind Sheryl Crow. Looked like she was headed to prom. Bless her heart haha. Hey look, Jewel is there too. Where ya been, girl? I have to say, country music performers sure don't look the same as they used to. Where are the big hair & sequins and cowboy hats? For shame :(

Now, Eric Church and his hair are performing his new ballad "Like Jesus Does". It's shot in black & white with the only color is his green guitar. It's a more traditional country song because it mentions: Jesus, whiskey, and the love of a good woman. The new version of David Allan Coe (mama, trains, trucks, prison). Very sparse arrangement. Nice. Now Florida Georgia Line is performing sounds like some more lake rock music (music perfect for rocking out at the lake). That one guy needs a haircut and to ditch that stupid vest. Yes, I'm now an 80 year old man.

Now Lady Antebellum are performing their song Downtown. They started to annoy me over the past couple of years. Will that trend continue? SUSPENSE! I've never understood group members sharing a mic on a note or 2. Really, that's not very sanitary, especially in cold & flu season. Eh, not too bad. Now, the first award at 8:46pm. Now 49ers QB Colin Kaepernik is there presenting with a lady from Young & Restless. He looks about as comfortable as he did at the end of the Super Bowl. GO RAVENS! Anyway, Thompson Square wins. Now another new artist nominee, Brantley Gilbert. No cowboy hat, but he does have a baseball cap and his drummer has a mohawk! Once again the sound is off and I couldn't understand a dang word he sang. 

Anyway, that's hour #1. Nothing too outrageous or embarrassing, but the hosts haven't been on since the very beginning. That's a bit odd. Anyway, hour #1 highlight? George Strait of course. As if there was doubt. On to hour #2!