Sunday, August 29, 2010

I'm not drowning, there's no one here to save!

Welcome back blog readers. It's been a couple of weeks, I hope you missed me, because I enjoy being missed. Only in America and only on the interwebs could the travails of a single guy who does as little as possible be read by anyone. Well, the only people that read it are people who know me, so I guess it's not as spectacular as I would have myself believe. (cue the sound of bubble bursting).

Well, after an opening negative, I will now move on to a positive. I have now dropped 20 pounds through Weight Watchers and exercise. I still can't believe I get to say I've lost that much. Now, I have to keep it up because I'm nowhere near my goal yet. But I'm very proud of that 20 pounds. It came off easier than I thought it would. That's just an evil tease of that weight. Sure, the first 20 are easy, now try for more. I'll kick your butt you stupid weight! BRING IT ON!

I've been going to the movies lately for some tacky cheesy horror movies. Piranha 3D was exactly what I thought. It was gory, bloody, and stupid. I had a great time! I went to see The Last Exorcism this past Friday night. It wasn't exactly what I expected. It took a few turns. Some people will hate the twists. I may not have agreed with them, but I appreciated them. I think the twists can be traced back to stuff earlier in the movie too. It's not for everyone, but it kept me on the edge of my seat. If scary movies scare you, well, then, you are a wuss. MAN UP!

I've taken a few daycations lately as well. Last weekend, I went to the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire. I went expecting to find a bunch of really nerdy people in ye olde timey garb speaking like bad Shakespeare and generally being annoying. Sadly, I was wrong. But I still had a good time. The look of it was fantastic. It's on the estate of a winery in PA and the old buildings and all the trees made it look authentic. They had a lot of shops with all sorts of clothes, knick knacks, turkey legs, things like that. There was some stupid dance troupe which was a bit ridiculous. But I did get to see a guy in stilts as part of an audience participation circle dance. You don't see that everyday. Once a week, maybe, but not everyday. The Queen was also there! Not Helen Mirren, or Aretha Franklin, the ACTUAL Queen!! Sure, she died in 1603 but it had to be her. They also had some performance shows. One was a group of Squires & Sirens telling dirty jokes & singing dirty songs. Apparently, the time of Elizabeth I was like an episode of HBO's Def Comedy Jam. Who knew! There was a human chess match which had two knights fighting because one insulted the other. They finished it on the final jousting field. One knight championed by Sir Francis Drake, the other by Sir Walter Raleigh. Well, Raleigh's guy insulted the Queen a few times. It made it seem like a 16th century WWE match. Turns out that Raleigh's guy, unbeknownst to Raleigh, was working with the Spanish king to overthrow Good Queen Bess. Then there were attacks, explosions, blood, all sorts of fun stuff. Overall, it was a well done production. Very professional, with dirty jokes, fire, knives, another Spanish defeat! Next time, I need to have a turkey leg!

Yesterday, I went to the Inner Harbor. A bright sunny day. I got on a speedboat. I got a sunburn. But I look good with color. It helps me avoid looking like a vampire extra from Twilight or True Blood. But being around people, at the Faire or out in public, I've come to realize that we really need to keep people from wearing certain things in public. Not every body type was made to wear a tank top with, um, a lack of support. Not every foot was made for flip flops. Think before you go strapless. All shorts should be a minimum length on your leg. Also, bikers, are bike shorts REALLY necessary? I need scientific evidence or an episode of Oprah to convince me. I just don't get them. Also, I wonder, are bike riders supposed to be like car drivers or like pedestrians when on the road? I've seen both & it confuses me.

My next goal in life is to win a contest. HGTV is giving away an apartment in NYC. A NICE apartment. I want that!! I was gonna get political on stuff, but ya know what, I don't have the energy to do that tonight. I'll tell everyone on both sides how stupid they are at another time in the future. For now, I'll go back to watching the Emmys. I've been pretty happy with the awards so far. However, I never wanted Kyra Sedwick to win for The Closer because her southern accent is horrific. Anyway, how ya doin? How's yer mama n'em?

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