MTV Movie Awards Blog #2

Russell Brand is unfunny again, now Kristen Stewart & Chris Hemsworth from Snow White are presenting Best Female Performance. Kristen Stewart always comes across as the most miserable person on the face of the earth. Why are you so unhappy, girl? Do you think Twilight sucks too? Jennifer Lawrence won for Hunger Games, and she was awesome in Hunger Games. And now, Charlie Sheen. He has always looked skeezy and nasty and like he was doing something he shouldn't. He is cementing the movie "Project X" (not the lab chimp movie from the 80s with Matthew Broderick and Helen Hunt) as an "Instant Cult Movie" or some such nonsense. Now Wiz Khalifa is performing. I admit, I had to look up how to spell his name because I'm mad white. Are they throwing toilet paper across the stage? Is this taking place at Toomer's Corner?

Now Adam Sandler Andy Samberg and some chick introduce best kiss. Adam Sandler seems like an embarrassing drunk uncle these days. Andy Samberg should just be embarrassed. And the winner is Twilight. Next.

Teen Moms, Snooki & JWoww? This is what my MTV has come to? Why? Now Joe Perry & Steven Tyler come out as a living PSA against tanning and drugs. No? They aren't? Oh, they are here to present the Generation Award to Johnny Depp. I have to say though, except for Edward Scissorhands, I'm not a Johnny Depp fan. I don't get him. Plus, he looks greasy. And he's sitting in with the Black Keys? Why do all actors think they are rock stars? I don't get it. Johnny Depp is gutsy apparently. Who knew playing the same role in every Tim Burton movie was gutsy? Sorry, just not a fan.

This show is dragging like a slow work day. The Joel McHale sketch wasn't too bad, mainly because it didn't have Russell Brand. Now fake sexism from Fassbender and then Charlize kicking his butt. This award is for Best Fight. The winner is NOT TWILIGHT but Hunger Games. Thankfully I like Hunger Games. Wow, Josh Hutcherson is tiny, or else those on stage are behemoths.

Wait, Jessica Biel is in the new Total Recall movie? They still let her act? Just put a picture of her in the corner for those who want to see her. Best cast should go to Bridesmaids or The Help but it actually goes to Harry Potter. I guess I can handle that. Harry Potter won for Best Hero. I guess saving the wizarding world is a good reason.

Dear MTV, these teen moms obviously have had trouble making good decisions in life. I don't think putting them on TV and having them in celeb magazines is going to help them in that regard. Cancel that show please. K, Thanks.

Matthew McHoweverYouSpellHisName and Channing Tatum are actually funny together present best on-screen transformation. Channing Tatum is a funny guy. The winner is Elizabeth Banks from The Hunger Games. MTV should be happy that Elizabeth is filthy minded haha.

Now Emma Stone receives the inaugural Trailblazer award from some actress I've never heard of. I'm happy though because I think she's awesome. This film of what stars think of her is hilarious! Also, MTV, it's not First Annual. It can't be First Annual. It can be First, or Inaugural, but it can't be annual until it's happened more than once. Turns out the actress I didn't know was in Superbad. She played Michael Cera's love interest. Wow, she really didn't break out at all did she? Bless her heart.

Ooh, Dark Knight clip time. YES!!

Jodie Foster, why are you there? You deserve so much better. But I have to say, you look great. Twilight won, how ridiculous. I sat through this show to have that wretched waste of celluloid win it? Kids who voted for this, please have someone take you to see good movies or have people tell you good movies to rent on Netflix.

OK kids, that's it. I lost at least 25 IQ points, if not more.