Oscars Hour #3

This next hour starts with Nicole Kidman still looking human and introducing Silver Linings Playbook, Django Unchained, and that laugh riot Amour. Nicole, keep away from the Botox, you look better without it.  Oh look Kristen Stewart is actually halfway smiling. She always looks so miserable. Maybe SHE should have been in Les Miserables. You don't want to know what my friends though about her. Daniel Radcliffe is TINY! Art direction Oscar goes to Lincoln. Is Salma Hayek hiding a neck brace underneath that dress? Does she need it to hold up all that hair? Yes, let's give Salma all the hard words to say. Bless it.

And we're back, and here is George Clooney, in a beard, looking like he was lost in the wilderness. He's here to introduce what I call "The Death Parade" aka "In Memoriam". It ended with EGOT (Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony) winner Marvin Hamlisch who wrote The Way We Were, sung now by Barbra Streisand. She sounds great, but her look, well, she sounds great. See, I can be nice :)

Back yet again, and this time with a joke about Rex Reed making weight jokes. He should have been ashamed of how he referred to Melissa McCarthy. But it got people to realize he wasn't dead, so, I guess it worked. Now, the stars of Chicago are presenting best score. Who knew Renee Zellweger was still around? Who knew Queen Latifah was the mother of the bride? Life of Pi wins. Now Norah Jones is singing the song from Ted. And, for best original song. It better be Skyfall or I'll be ticked! Thankfully Skyfall wins!

And we're back with Dustin Hoffman being dwarfed by Charlize Theron. His eyes are pretty much at chest level on her. She can rock a short haircut. See Justin Bieber, that's how a woman should wear short hair. Now, best adapted screenplay goes to Argo!! Great movie, so if you haven't seen it, please do, it's out on DVD. This guy looks like he just woke up though. Bless his heart. And best original screenplay goes to Quentin Tarantino for Django Unchained. However, most of the screenplay can't be repeated in public. I still have to see this. Quentin also looks like he just woke up and just sobered up.

Now Jane Fonda & Michael Douglas are walking through a tiki torch garden to present best director. My dad isn't a Fonda fan, but she's be overhauled more than a restored 57 Chevy. How much work has she had done? Do her feet even touch the floor? Does she cry from behind her ears? Anyway, best director goes to Ang Lee for Life of Pi. I had him as my #2. I still thought they'd give it to Spielberg. Still gotta see Pi.

Moving quickly now, 3 categories left. Now, Jean Dujardin will present best actress. I want Jennifer Lawrence to win because she's hilarious and fun and was very good in Silver Linings Playbook. And Amour just looks so depressing and sad or painful to watch. And the Oscar goes to Jennifer Lawrence!! Congrats to her, even though she just face planted on the way up. You go girl! She was genuinely surprised. How sweet And she even wished happy birthday to her fellow nominee 86 year old Emmanuelle Riva. Even sweeter :) Now the acting superstar Meryl Streep presenting Best Actor to of course Daniel Day-Lewis as Lincoln. I hear he is amazing. He even made a great joke with Meryl about being signed to play Margaret Thatcher lol. Now here's Jack to present Best Picture. And to co-present, from the White House, Michelle Obama. I'm sure some of my friends will hate that part. Get over it, in all Christian love & kindness :) And the Oscar goes to Argo!! Congrats to Ben and the cast & crew. Ben gave one of the best speeches of the night, right after Daniel Day-Lewis.

And now, to close the show, it's Seth with the incomparable Kristin Chenoweth. Let's see how this goes. This is a tribute to the losers. Kristin with a great Tom Cruise, bless them all. All in all, not a bad show. Fun enough I guess. Seth wasn't hideous.

Anyway, here's to all of y'all out there. Signing off here until the Academy of Country Awards this spring. Later!